


Searching for a Place in the World

by thepinkus27



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: Angst, Gen, Grief/Mourning, HIV/AIDS, HIV/AIDS Crisis, Marvin is bitter and pensive, Marvin-centric (Falsettos), Memories, POV Marvin (Falsettos), Period-Typical Homophobia, Post-Canon, Post-Whizzer Brown's Death, So many The Normal Heart vibes, Stream of Consciousness, The Normal Heart vibes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-20
Updated: 2021-03-20
Packaged: 2021-03-29 02:21:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30149265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thepinkus27/pseuds/thepinkus27
Summary: Marvin copes with the unimaginable.
Relationships: Whizzer Brown/Marvin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 19





	Searching for a Place in the World

**Author's Note:**

> I'm kinda proud of this one even though it's super short and out of my comfort zone. I hope it doesn't seem too unfinished. It's one of those things I got the urge to write and then wrote and then never touched again. I'm testing the waters, one could say. And if people don't like it, I'll stick to my talents. But considering the fact that people still talk about me in a positive light when I disappear for a month, I'm hoping for the best. 
> 
> Also by the way, I super love the support. I really love the nice paragraphs you guys write me and I really appreciate it. I don't really know how to respond to strangers on the internet being nice to me, but the love really does mean the world to me and helps motivate me and lift my spirits and all that lovely stuff.

Trina had it all: a loving husband with a job, a brilliant son, big house; it was the ideal domestic life. 

Or so that's what Marvin thought as he stared into his mug of coffee as if it would bring Whizzer back. He wasn't drinking coffee because he needed the energy -- he wasn't planning on going to work -- but because it reminded him of a snow day he and Whizzer had spent together. 

One in which Whizzer had sung a Christmas song in Marvin's lap, their quickly cooling coffee forgotten as they laughed and chatted. It had only happened months ago -- one of their last memories together before Whizzer had been hospitalized -- but it felt so long ago. Marvin didn't even celebrate Christmas -- he was Jewish -- but Whizzer had growing up, and Marvin didn't mind the holiday spirit and cheer so much when it was coming from Whizzer. 

What Marvin couldn't help but think about was how the world still spun and everyone carried on as if Whizzer hadn't ever existed, yet Marvin's world was so irreversibly shaken he could barely get out of bed in the morning. Cordelia still dropped off food, Jason still played chess, Trina still worried and Mendel was still as quirky as ever. Admittedly Charlotte looked like someone out of Whizzer's sexuality and gender alliance at his school, with the way she seemed beat down by the loss of life at the hospital, but still fighting against it like the way a boat does a storm. 

But the thing was, if either Trina or Mendel died from a deadly disease nobody knew a thing about, it'd make headlines around the world, research would be poured into it and money would be dumped trying to find a cure and a means of preventing it. But with Whizzer, nobody outside of Marvin's family lost a second of sleep over his death because he was gay. It didn't matter how much of an effect he had on his community; how loved he was by his family; how sweet, funny and charming he was; how much potential he held; how talented he was; he was gay so he was as good as dead as far as any politician was concerned. 

Considering how Marvin felt about the current state of affairs, he thought about joining one of those gay rights organizations. They could use more people now than ever, and he knew without a single seed of doubt in his mind that Whizzer would've joined one if he was still alive and healthy without a moment's worth of hesitation, yet Marvin couldn't find the energy. He couldn't find it in him to do anything more than wish he was out there with the rest of those kids, fighting for their right to love whoever they wanted without dying for it. 

And sure, they weren't kids -- they were Whizzer's age give or take a few years -- but Whizzer had always cracked a smile when Marvin called anyone younger than himself a kid. 

Even when Whizzer fell asleep after a game of chess with Jason and Marvin caressed his cheek and said softly, "they're so cute at that age," Whizzer would open his eyes a little and smile at him in that way he always did. That way that lit up the darkest parts inside of you and made you feel like you're on top of the world. Whizzer always had that effect, even moments before he died, when he smiled as Jason read from the Torah. He may have lost his health, but he never lost his fight and personality. And that's what Marvin admired about him, and missed in a time like this, where he was learning to carry on without Whizzer there to hold his hand and cheer him on and tell him it was going to be okay. 


End file.
